Today the blog on my site isn't working, so I'll use this. These are some tips for you adults or really anyone who gives gifts or celebrates Christmas.

1. If I am under 55, do not give me a household appliance.
I'm a kid. What the hell am I gonna do with a 124 pack of q-tips? You know what I SHOULD be getting packs of 124 of? Crayola crayons. Do I look like I need a stapler? No.

2. If you don't know what I want for Christmas, don't try to guess.
I'm a weird kid. I don't like Hannah Montana, Twilight, or Jonas Brothers. If you get me these things, I will choke you with the pink boa you got me last year. If you don't know what I like, just give me some money. It's probably much cheaper.

3. Don't make me go to church.
The last thing I want to do on Christmas is actually celebrate it for what it is. Who, in their right minds, when given a choice could actually WANT to go to church when they could be at home eating food and watching A Christmas Story for the umpteenth time today? Surely not me.

4. DO NOT, I MEAN DO NOT ask me how school is going.
If you are bored and have no one to talk to, don't talk to me. I'm trying to count my money, get off my case. If you ask me "how is school?", do you know what I'm going to say? Yes, you do! I'm going to reply, "fine." and go on about my business. YOU remember being a kid, correct? We do the same things you did. We are forced with soulless, hateful people that we couldn't dislike any more, as teachers are allowed to treat us like idiots and cram useless facts in our brain that you know we aren't going to use while working at McDonald's. So, leave me alone and stop trying to make conversation with me.

5. I did not ask for clothes.
Don't give me clothes. I have enough. You think I'd rely on you to decide what I wear in public? I think I'd prefer to choose that. Do I seem like the kind of person who would want a pink tunic with the words "DADDY'S LITTLE SPOILED BRAT" spelled plainly across the boobs? Yeah, didn't think so.

So there's that. 5 tips on how not to be a retard on Christmas.